Managing your emotions… and managing with emotion

One of the biggest challenges I have faced during my time in Africa has been managing my own and others emotional responses to the situations that have presented themselves.

To give you an idea of just one of the many challenges let me tell you about an incident that happen yesterday but first you’ll need a little background. Due to the unpredictable nature of life here, coupled with the low incomes, staff are forever seeking loans and advances to meet unexpected expenses, typically medical bills and funeral expenses. In my time here I have learnt that staff advances are at an all time high, which imposes an increased burden on both the cash resources and the administration team, particularly as repayment will often be delayed and the loan balance topped up.

There was an easy answer to this, at least so it appeared, and I have suggested to others within the hospital that we should offer fewer loans, introduce stricter criteria and insist upon more timely repayment through automatic salary deduction. All well and good until yesterday when, with the executive director out of the hospital on business, a young man who works for the security team came to see me to ask if I could approve a loan.

With one loan already outstanding and this month’s payroll just two days away the answer was a fairly obvious “no�. Until you learn that the reason the loan was required is that the gentleman’s daughter has been admitted to hospital, some considerable distance from this hospital, with malaria. The chances of her surviving are slim and the money is to be used to allow the father to travel to be with his daughter and buy a few small luxuries to make her more comfortable.

All of a sudden my initial response appears wrong, the correct decision appears to be a fairly obvious “yes�. Of course I should approve the loan, however this is not an unusual situation here. The hard reality that faces us is that over the course of a normal year many, if not all, of the hospital staff will have a family member or close friend impacted by malaria, HIV/Aids, TB or any one of a multitude of other ailments or deaths.

Making the ‘right’ decision isn’t always easy, indeed there often isn’t a right decision as much as there is a ‘least wrong’ decision and more often than not there is an emotional wrestling match before and after deciding on a course of action.

However, these emotions can be a powerful tool that can be used to great advantage if channelled constructively. Last week I had the privilege of visiting a former patient of the hospital, Zioni, a quadriplegic lady who was overcome incredible hardship and disadvantage to the point where she now runs a school for 240 children. The school is basic consisting of little more than 2 classrooms where the children sit on the floor and work using whatever limited resources Zioni can somehow lay her hands on. Zioni receives no official support from any government or organisation and relies on handouts to provide a basic but much needed education to Malawi’s poorest children.

Meeting Zioni was very moving; she is more courageous, determined and warm-hearted than almost anyone you could hope to meet. I left the school feeling inspired, amazed at what she has overcome in spite of the challenges she has faced. I also felt angry. Angry at the lack of support she receives, angry with myself for not doing more to help and angry at everyone who seeks obstacles as to why they can’t do something rather than looking for how they something can be achieved.

After leaving Zioni I went for a meeting with a debtor of the hospital, an insurance company who has been causing us no end of problems, although it is worth noting that the problems are not all of their making. The purpose of the meeting was to resolve historic problems and agree a way of working together going forward to avoid any reoccurrence. The meeting did not start off well, with the insurance company unwilling to do many of the things we were asking for, citing the difficulties involved and presenting problems rather than solutions.

Now normally, I would consider myself to be a fairly laid back guy. I rarely get emotional about situations, typically looking at the practical reality and it’s pretty hard to annoy me to the point where I will show it. However, this time was different. The negative attitude in the meeting and the focus on what couldn’t be done rather than what could, coming immediately after meeting Zioni, annoyed me. Actually more than that, quite frankly, it pissed me off!

This led to a very full and frank, although never rude and always professional, exchange of views which ultimately led to the financial controller of the insurance company agreeing to provide us with the information that we needed. I don’t know how he got the information together but I do know that he had it ready for us within 3 days (this problem has been rumbling on for over a year) and when I spoke with him later (we played football together the following weekend) he told me that it was the fact that it was clearly important to us personally that made it important to him to deliver the information.

Using emotion is this way is new for me here as at first I tried to detach from some of the emotional elements figuring they would prevent me from doing my job as well as I intended. Now, I’m trying to be much more open with my feelings, exposing myself to the vulnerabilities that the team can see when I am upset with them or when I am struggling with the way things are here. In return I am finding that people are much more inclined to provide assistance and to go out of their way to help. It could be that, much like the case of the incredible hulk, they don’t like me when I’m angry however I am much more inclined to think that because they can see that I care they are prepared to care a little more too.

Ps. If you are wondering if I gave the security guard the loan, of course I did, I’m a big softie when it comes down to it!

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